When going through a divorce, you will likely encounter terms you may not be familiar with. This guide to divorce terminology will help you better understand them.

Alimony: Refers to money paid by one spouse to the other that is separate from child support. Alimony is sometimes referred to as spousal support or spousal maintenance. It may be granted on a temporary basis while the spouse adjusts to being single, or permanent to allow the receiver to maintain the lifestyle he or she enjoyed while married.

Annulment: A method of ending a marriage by declaring that it was never valid to begin with. Annulments are sometimes given because one party is underage or of unsound mind, but may also be granted when there is fraud or coercion.

Arrearage: A sum of money that is past due for the payment of child or spousal support.

ATRO: Automatic Temporary Restraining Orders, which are court orders included in each California divorce summons. The standard language in an ATRO prohibits either party from removing children from the state of California, canceling insurance policies, borrowing against the estate, or disposing of property.

Child Support: A sum or money paid by the non-custodial parent to the custodial parent to help offset the cost of raising any children produced by the marriage.

Child Support Guidelines: A set of guidelines that is used in calculating child support. The California Department of Child Support Services is responsible for monitoring child support payments between parents, and also provides a calculator that you can use to estimate payments.

Community Debts: Debts that a husband and wife owe jointly.

Community Property: Consists of everything that a married couple owns together, which may include real property, stocks, and pension benefits.

Complaint: The formal document filed with the court which states that one party wishes to divorce the other and the grounds for doing so.

Custodial Parent: The parent who has the child(ren) living with him or her the majority of the time.

Date of Separation: Under California law, the date of separation is the day when you and your spouse mentally ceased being husband and wife. It is not necessarily the date when one party left the marital home.

Ex-Parte: An emergency request from the court on a family matter due to extreme circumstances.

Guardian ad Litem: An attorney who may be appointed by the courts in order to represent the best interest of the child(ren).  A guardian ad litem is not automatically appointed, but can be requested by either party through an attorney or by visiting the Equal Access Project for assistance.

Irreconcilable Differences: Means the marriage is irretrievably broken, and there is virtually no chance of reconciliation. Irreconcilable differences is the standard by which California divorces are granted.

Paternity: Involves legally determining fatherhood, and is required before child support is ordered.

Pre-nuptial Agreement: An agreement entered into by the parties that spells out certain rights for each one in the event of a divorce.

Restraining Order: An order preventing one party from contacting or harassing another. This differs from an ATRO in that it is not automatically granted by the court, but instead is something that one of the parties must petition for. Restraining orders are typically granted in cases of domestic violence.

Visitation: The right of a non-custodial parent to spend time with his or her children after primary custody has been established.

Waiting Period: The amount of time required between the filing of paperwork and the actual order from a judge dissolving the marriage. In California, the waiting period for a divorce is six months and one day.

Everyone enters into a marriage expecting it to succeed, but according to the government more than 20 percent of marriages end in divorce within the first five years, and 48 percent end within 20 years. Although these statistics are a bit alarming, it is possible to have a healthy breakup when the marriage ends.

Here are five tips to make your divorce go as smoothly as possible.

Take Responsibility.  No one person is ever completely to blame for a divorce, so take responsibility for your mistakes in the marriage. Examine your marriage and the part that both parties played in its failure. It’s important to realize your mistakes, take responsibility for your actions, and approach the divorce with honesty. This will make necessary divorce proceedings and negotiations with your spouse easier, calmer and faster. Taking responsibility for your part in the divorce will help you heal faster and prevent you from making the same mistakes in a future relationship.

Be Respectful.  It’s important to remember that you did once love the person you’re divorcing, even if your feelings are different now. Divorce is an emotional process that can result in a lot of emotions including anger, anxiety, grief and fear, and sometimes those feelings show up when you least expect them. Although you may be tempted to fight with your spouse through the divorce proceedings, take the high road instead. Be respectful towards your spouse and the divorce process, and try to preserve some of the good feelings you once had towards your partner. You may not remain best friends, but you can remain amicable.

Stay Positive.  Lifestyle changes brought on by divorce can be frightening and overwhelming, but it’s important to keep a positive outlook for your future. Find a support system through family members, friends and networking groups who can keep you from feeling isolated and alone. Formal support groups can help you cope with the lifestyle changes of a divorce by connecting you with people in similar situations. Get involved in enjoyable activities or new hobbies to take your mind off of your emotions. Meet new people, take a class, join a gym, and reclaim activities that you had to give up during your marriage.

Understand Your Finances.  One of the greatest challenges of a divorce is often your financial future after a divorce. Understand your finances and assets, so you can determine how to divide them. When you’re dividing assets, prioritize your wants and needs. For example, you may agree to give your spouse more cash in exchange for the house. If you can’t afford to keep the house on one salary, plan for the sale of the house as part of the divorce settlement. Be realistic and practical in your demands to facilitate a fair settlement and a quicker divorce.

Talk to the Kids.  Divorce can be a traumatic experience for children, especially if there’s a lot of conflict in the divorce. Keep conflicts away from the kids and between the adults to avoid potential risks of social and psychological problems for the kids. Come up with a plan and discuss the changes that the family is experiencing together with the kids. They will benefit from honest conversations and open communications. Although divorce is difficult for most kids, studies show that kids handle divorce better when they maintain close contact with both parents. Maintaining a loving relationship with your kids through the divorce process will create a more positive outlook for their future.

For many divorce may seem like a difficult journey particularly if you are in retirement or headed towards it. You may be in the situation where your spouse has been working all these years, and you have stayed at home to raise the children, and the divorce would put you in severe hardship if not poverty. Many cases suggest that middle-aged persons fear that divorce because the financial strain will leave them in hardship. Today, we will explore the options of pensions can play a critical role in the divorce, and how it can play in your favor, so you don’t have to go through unnecessary hardship. Let’s get started!

Pensions and Marital Property

Example 1: Both Spouses are Working

Pensions of both husband and wife earned through the course of a marriage are subject to distribution in the filing of the divorce. Suppose James married Mary five years after he began his employment at XYZ Co., and now 20 years after they married, James and Mary divorce. Those benefits James earned as a single man before his marriage to Mary are James separate property. Those 20 years that James had been married to Mary are marital and subject to division and distribution. The same situation applies to any pensions that Mary had earned at her employer with ABC Co. In the event of an employee contribution plan as part of that spouse’s pension plan this is still considered marital property.

Example 2: One Spouse in Working

From our example above let’s say that Mary decide to take on the role of a homemaker and child rearing, the stay at home mother so to speak. Mary only has a sketchy understanding that her husband James pension may be their most valuable asset besides the house they share. In this type of situation, this is known as a coverture fraction.

In cases such as these courts use a coverture fraction, also known as the time rule. The time rule is a mathematical formula that is used to calculate the percentage of the pension distributed to the non-worker spouse.

So as an example, James and Mary had been married 20 years even though James had been employed 25 years. So you take 20 years and divide it by 25 years which comes out to be .80 or 80%.

This means that 80 percent of the present value of James pension would be attributed to the marriage. So if James had accumulated $100,000, then 80% or $80,000 would be added to the value of the marital portion.

Contact a Divorce Lawyer for All Your Options

As you can see if you are seeking a divorce and want to know, more about your options are when it comes to your spouse’s pension you should call a qualified divorce lawyer in your area. There is more that an attorney can tell you about pensions that include contributions, benefits plans, qualifying for your spouse’s social security benefits and how valuations are calculated.

For many people, setting out to hire a divorce attorney is a daunting and frustrating task, especially when the stakes can be very high if child custody and support, or alimony and property issues are in dispute. What can you expect when hiring a divorce attorney?

Expect to do your research

A divorce attorney, like any other professional, has a resume and reputation both of which can help you to narrow down your choices. Consult with family and friends, colleagues at work, or other people you trust for their recommendations. This list can be your starting point.

Research thoroughly the lawyers’ backgrounds on your list. With most lawyers using websites, you can get a fairly good idea about how they practice law, the office philosophy and mission, and other information that will help you to focus the search. Check the credentials, your lawyer should be trained in divorce or family law, and the level of experience is really up to you. Once you have narrowed your list, contact the local bar association to ensure that those lawyers have engage in an ethical law practice.

Expect to interview more than one attorney

Given what can be at stake in a divorce, you don’t hire your lawyer sight unseen. Interview your potential divorce lawyers. Many offer a free consultation, or a reduced rate for an interview. Prepare your questions ahead of time, and if you like, ask for client references or testimonials. You have to be certain that this is a person that you want working on your behalf and shares your values, and values your opinion.

Expect to be comfortable with your attorney

Divorce lawyers are not trained marriage counselors, or financial experts, but your lawyer will have to understand more than just the legal aspects of your case. When you are looking for your lawyer, you have to be comfortable with their approach to your case. For example, some lawyers oppose joint custody, so if that is what you want, you should have a lawyer who is comfortable with your ideas. In other words, you and your lawyer should be in agreement about the larger principals at play of your divorce case.

You should not be looking for a “yes lawyer;” you need a lawyer who will tell you the truth. So find a lawyer who will work hard for you but also one that will tell you the truth about possible outcomes. And if you want to be closely involved, you need to find a lawyer who will be comfortable discussing strategy with you, and is someone who you find easy to communicate with.

Expect to know the costs

A good divorce lawyer will be upfront about the fees that you will have to pay, including a formal contract and a retainer agreement that clearly spells out what you will be charged for and at what rates. Specifically, you should know what hourly rate will be applied once the retainer fees are used.