Getting a divorce may seem like the start of a new life, but it’s important you consider every angle before signing the final divorce decree.

The last thing you want is to end up in a more difficult situation than you’re in with your husband or wife. Sometimes getting out of a marriage turns out to be the wrong decision. In fact, one study showed that 22% of divorcees regretted their decision.

In addition to ensuring this is the best move for your relationship, you also need to make sure all the terms of your divorce are reasonable. A divorce decree isn’t an open and shut deal. There are many components you need to consider.

To help you out, we’re going over some common questions you need to ask before signing your divorce decree. These questions will help bring some clarity to the situation.

Is the Marriage Really Over?

The most important question to ask is if the marriage has truly run its course. Sometimes couples divorce as a result of years of struggle and emotional separation. They feel divorcing is their only option.

It’s important you and your spouse discuss this thoroughly. You have to be open about your feelings in order to avoid going through with the divorce only to regret it.

If you’ve hit a rough patch you can’t seem to get over, have you considered couples therapy? You may be able to resolve some of the issues you’ve been having and get things back on track again.

Divorce is a major life change. There will be financial hurdles, emotional hardships and learning how to live on your own again. It’s important you and your spouse are 100% certain that the relationship needs to end before signing the divorce decree.

Are You or Your Spouse Only Threatening Divorce?

Sometimes a person threatens separation or divorce out of anger or emotional pain. They may even use the threat as a tactic to get what they want.

This threat is also used to exert dominance over the other spouse or as an attempt to be taken seriously.

For whatever reason, this not the correct course of action. A marriage should end because both parties know in their hearts it shouldn’t go on.

Ask yourself if you genuinely want a divorce or are just threatening it to get what you want. Or, do you feel your spouse is doing this?

If the answer is yes, you should first look into marriage counseling. You may find more healthy ways to resolve your issues.

Are the Division of Assets Fair?

Before signing a divorce decree, you need to make sure all assets are divided equally and to your satisfaction.

This is something that many couples run into problems with. If the division of assets aren’t nailed down before the divorce gets finalized, there could be trouble down the road.

You’ll want to make sure your divorce attorney gets involved in the separation of assets to ensure you’re not getting taken advantage of. Each state has different laws regarding this. However, laws that apply to the distribution of marital assets don’t always garner a fair outcome.

Vehicles and property are two items that typically cause the most problems. If possible, try to come to an amicable decision regarding these assets and make sure the terms are clearly written into the divorce agreement.

Once you sign the decree, the terms are difficult to change.

Are Our Children’s Best Interest’s in Mind?

One of the most sensitive aspects of a divorce involves children. Depending on their age, this could be a very confusing time for your kids. You need to make sure you have their best interests in mind.

Unfortunately, sometimes couples are so angry with each other, they forget how impactful this time is for the children.

If you and your spouse are sharing custody of your kids, make sure the terms make it easy on them. They need to have ample time with each of you, so make sure your decree sets a fair and logical schedule.

You also need to nail down the financial obligations now so that no conflicts happen in the future.

It’s important you also work around you and your spouse’s work schedules so that the practice of joint custody goes as smoothly as possible. Not only will your children benefit, you’ll make it easier on yourself as well.

Are Your Finances In Good Shape?

At the beginning of a divorce proceeding, the judge will likely prohibit both of you from selling the marital property. You also can’t use joint bank accounts or credit cards for major purchases.

Judges do this so that one spouse won’t take advantage of money or assets that are still jointly owned.

If you or your spouse have any major purchases or legitimate financial transactions to complete, you’ll need to do this before the divorce happens.

It’s best to go over all these things with your spouse and come to an agreement on all financial matters. Once you both sign the divorce decree, you can then split your finances, meaning all checking and savings accounts and any credit cards you have together.

You’ll also need to agree upon the resolution of any debt you’ve acquired together.

What Will Your Living Situation Be?

It’s important you decide what the initial living situation will be before signing the decree.

Who’s staying in the house? Who’s moving out and where are they moving?

You need to make sure the decree is fair to both parties. The person who must move needs to be able to afford a new residence. This is especially important if children are involved.

Making sure this all gets squared away before signing the decree ensures you avoid a messy situation and potential conflict.

Don’t Sign A Divorce Decree Until You’re Ready

If you’ve come to the conclusion that divorce is the only option, it’s imperative you understand the terms of the decree. You also need to ensure they are fair and balanced.

Signing the decree hastily could mean serious issues down the road.

If you need a qualified divorce lawyer to help you through the process, we can help. Contact us today.

A divorce settlement is often a scary thing. Your life is taking a turn you never really expected, with major consequences.

You’re not alone — especially if you’re older. Among Americans 50 and older, divorce rates have almost doubled since the 1990s.

Divorce is intimidating, but there are ways to make everything easier. Keep reading to find out what happens when you divide your assets, and the best way to go about it.

What Happens?

First things first: what happens in a divorce settlement?

The long and the short of it is that “ours” transitions slowly (and not always easily) to “yours” and “mine”.

But it’s not like when you were kids and fighting over a shirt.

What happens to your property after divorce is a legal process that decides who has legal ownership of your property. And it can have a major bearing on your financial future.

Preparing to Divide Your Assets

It’s not as simple as eeny-meeny-miny-moe. When divorces happen, it’s a big change from the future you thought you were going to have when you got married.

And not just growing old together. You had certain ideas about financial security, where you were going to live, etc.

Now, you’re faced with dividing assets that were intended to be shared when you acquired them.

Unless you’re one of the lucky few who can sort through a divorce amicably without tears, frustration, or arguments (chances are, you’re not) then you need to be prepared for what happens next to make the process as smooth and painless as possible.

Here are five things to keep in mind before you jump down the rabbit hole and start divvying up your assets.

Know Your State Laws

Dividing assets in a divorce settlement aren’t just about dividing up the pots and pans. It’s about dividing assets with one eye on your short-term and long-term financial security in mind.

This is where state laws come into play.

But they also vary widely from state to state, so it’s important to know your state’s exact laws on assets in a divorce.

All states have adopted laws relating to the fair distribution of marital property, but fair isn’t the same thing as equal. And that’s where you run into problems because both parties want to get their share.

Know What’s Separate vs Marital Property

Part of state laws deals with separate property versus marital property and how the two are handled in divorce.

If you don’t know what those are, it’s time to brush up.

Separate property is any property acquired before marriage, after divorce, by gift or inheritance during a marriage, or via separate property funds during a marriage.

Marital property refers to property acquired by either spouse during the course of the marriage. Generally, any property acquired during a marriage is considered marital property regardless of whose name the property is under or how it’s titled.

Generally, the two don’t mix. But, separate property can lose its status as separate property if you comingle. For example, if you own an apartment as separate property but add your spouse, it’s no longer separate property.

The separate property that was yours before remains yours. But marital property, even if it wasn’t in your name (like a house or a 401k) is fair game.

Get an Attorney

Let’s be honest. If you’re getting divorced, you need to have a divorce attorney.

Even if you had what seemed like the best relationship with your spouse, the truth is, if you’re getting divorced, things went sour somewhere.

And while there are divorces that proceed amicably, that usually isn’t the case.

In most cases, you need a mediator. They’ll make sure that an equal split is actually an equal split.

There’s also the laws — whatever research you can do, a trained lawyer knows the laws better than you.

Make a List, Check it Twice

Before you ever start a discussion over who gets what, you should know what you’re dealing with.

Make a list of all the assets you have. This should include things like joint property, securities, bank accounts, all vehicles, household items, valuable collectibles and retirement plans. And by everything, we mean everything.

The easiest way to do this is for spouses to make the list together that is honest and fair. It will also save you a lot of trouble later.

What happens after that can get messy, especially if you’re trying to determine who will keep the house. Often, if you have children, it will go to the parent with primary custody, but it’s not a guarantee.

If you don’t have children, well, things are both a lot less messy and a lot messier.

Choose an Asset Valuation Date

This is an important step in the divorce settlement process and one you can’t afford to overlook.

Once you’ve listed out all the property you have between you, you’ll need to choose an asset valuation date. Basically, this is the date when you and your spouse agree to fix the value of your property (an important step with volatile assets like investment accounts).

Since the value of the assets can change day-to-day or week-to-week, the valuation date sets a hard value on the assets being divided, even if the value changes since the assessment.

Play Nice

And above all, when you can manage it, try to play nice.

It isn’t just for the sanity of all involved parties (including your children). Making a divorce settlement as amicable as possible is the easiest way to make sure a divorce doesn’t turn into a long, expensive process where courts determine the value of your assets and who gets what.

The most efficient and painless way to handle a divorce is through property division agreements without trial. But the only way for that option to work is if everyone agrees to get along as well as possible.

Making Sense of a Divorce Settlement

Divorce can be a scary thing. But it can be a lot easier with the right advice from the right divorce lawyer.

Check out our blog for tips on how to best handle divorce, like these tips for co-parenting after divorce.

But if what you really need is sound legal counsel, then it’s time to use a trusted local divorce attorney.

We offer free phone consultations. Head to our contact page to get started.

Divorce after 50 is becoming such a common trend that it’s now dubbed “gray divorce.” Some of the topics we’ll be covering may seem common sense, while others may not be. Afterall, divorce is tricky at any age.

That’s why we’re here to guide you through it. Here’s everything you need to know about getting divorced after 50.

Think Of The Kids

By 50, most kids will be thriving out of the nest. But no matter how mature or dependent your kids may be, divorce is heavy for everyone involved.

If you do have kids, be sure to check in on them throughout the divorce process to make sure they’re okay. And while it may seem easy to go to them with your stress, don’t. You could be putting children in the middle of the divorce, and adding an extra burden to their lives.

I say this because a friend of mine is currently buckling under the stress of her parent’s divorce. She’s in her 20’s and successful, but the strain of the divorce is so great that she’s had to seek counseling. Both her parents unintentionally used her as leverage at the expense of her own mental health.

Even if you can’t go to your kids with your divorce woes, there are still plenty of people you can go to for help…

Focus On Financial Stability

There’s a good chance you’re losing something in a divorce. If your partner was the breadwinner, that leaves you in a bind on how to make and manage money, even if you do win a chunk of money in the divorce. Don’t rely on your partner to hold your hand after the divorce.

This is your time to be selfish. Make sure that you’re set up financially. Don’t sign anything until you know you’ll be taken care of.

Make sure that everything is divided fairly and put in your name, especially as they pertain to joint accounts. We’ll get into keeping track of your assets later. If you have a will, alter it so that it reflects who your desired beneficiaries are.

Career

If your partner was the breadwinner, you may be looking for employment for the first time in a long time. Don’t be discouraged.

Rely on any friends and networks you’ve nurtured over the years. You never know when someone you know has a job opportunity that offers a great 401(k) match.

And don’t forget to put any volunteer experience on your resume. Not only does it show initiative, it also demonstrates your skills in a wide range of scenarios.

Retirement

If you’re getting divorced closer to retirement, or working isn’t an option, you need to ensure that your 401(k) plan can take care of you.

This may mean making a few sacrifices. If money is going to be tight, you can consider moving into a smaller home or lowering your standard of living.

I know a lot of this doesn’t sound appealing, but the goal is to make sure you’re set up for the long term.

Your Assets

A large part of finding your footing and financial stability is making an inventory of what you and your partner shared. This goes beyond the physical property.

Make sure you have a good idea of what’s in your bank accounts, personal and shared. Also be aware of any investments, retirement accounts, pensions, and life insurance policies.

Create a list for yourself of what you own, what your partner owns, and what you share. Make sure you know what’s on the list, so you don’t get blindsided in the divorce.

Betrayal

Divorces aren’t usually pretty sights. Yeah, there are stories of people settling amicably and with little cost to either party, but those cases are rare. If a divorce was sprung upon you, you may be in for a rude awakening.

A divorce doesn’t spring up out of nowhere. Usually, they result from years of pent-up and unexpressed emotions. Don’t be surprised when your former significant other shows a side of themselves that you’ve never seen before.

They may try to be seeking revenge for something from the marriage. Again, this is a time for you to be selfish. Lawyer up, find your center and keep moving forward.

Don’t Be Afraid To Reach Out

As mentioned, this divorce after 50 is a growing trend. This isn’t to say that what you may be feeling is any less real, but there is help out there if you need it.

From counseling to friends, don’t be afraid to reach out. Whether you like it or not, this is a time for change; don’t wall yourself in. Sometimes all you need is an open ear and supportive shoulder.

Also, take some time to step back from the situation and reevaluate your life. Get a life coach if you need to, but try to find out what you truly want out of life.

A New Beginning

No matter how the divorce turns out, this is your time to reassess your life and goals. What do you want? You can go back to school, travel, or pursue artistic goals.

If you view the time after your divorce as saddening then that’s exactly what it’s going to be. This is a time to reinvent and challenge yourself. This is a new beginning.

Hope During Divorce After 50

Like any kind of divorce, divorce after 50 can be a painful and confusing time. You may not have the life you had before, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. This is a time to explore who you are, secure your future, and defend yourself if need be.

If you or someone you know find yourselves facing divorce after 50, please contact us at the Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone, Attorney At Law. It is our pleasure to serve the central Bay Area. We are here for anyone going through the financial and emotional difficulties that divorce presents.

Divorce can be a tumultuous and challenging experience, but it doesn’t have to be experienced alone. There’s always help, and there’s always hope for the future and the joys that it will bring.

The divorce rate in the United States reached a 40-year low in 2015. Divorce is still quite common throughout the country, though.

If you’re currently going through or considering a divorce, it’s easy to feel like you’re alone.

It’s true that every divorce is different. But, many of them stem from similar causes. Understanding the most common reasons for divorce can help you feel less alone during this difficult process.

Read on to learn more about the main reasons couples choose to end their marriages.

1. Infidelity Is One of the Top Reasons for Divorce

In the United States, approximately 17 percent of couples cite adultery (by one or both parties) as the reason for their divorce.

Men and women both commit adultery for a variety of reasons, and infidelity can occur at any point during a relationship. The likelihood that at least one partner will be unfaithful increases during the following periods:

• After the first year of marriage, when the “honeymoon period” ends
• After the first child is born
• During the 5th to 7th year of marriage
• During middle age when children are grown

Infidelity rates are currently on the rise. This is due in part to the fact that the internet and social media have made it easier to connect and form relationships.

2. Money

Differing financial goals are another one of the main reasons for divorce. In fact, a lack of financial compatibility is a greater contributor to divorce than a lack of money.

40 percent of divorced couples say that incompatible financial views were the main cause of their divorce. If one partner is frugal and the other enjoys spending, it’s highly likely that a couple will experience problems.

That being said, financial stress can still contribute to marital problems and divorce. This is especially true is the husband is unemployed. According to a report published in the American Journal of Sociology, men who are unemployed are more likely than women to leave the relationship.

3. Lack of Communication

Many couples begin their marriage with good communication skills. But, over time, they get busy, grow apart, and don’t know how to talk to their partner.

A recent study surveyed 886 individual divorcing parents. Of this group, 55 percent cited “growing apart” as the reason for their divorce, and 53 percent said that they were “not able to talk together.”

An inability to communicate can take various forms. Some couples will notice that they’re arguing more frequently, while others will simply not speak at all.

4. Addiction

Addiction puts a lot of financial and emotional strain on a relationship. Individuals with addictions are more likely to participate in other problematic behaviors, including lying, stealing, and adultery.

As a result, 7.3 percent of marriages end in divorce because of drug or alcohol addiction.

Even after seeking help from rehab programs or support groups, many couples are unable to reconcile if one partner struggles with addiction.

5. Lack of intimacy

A lack of intimacy is another common contributor to divorce. In addition to a decrease in sexual intimacy, many couples also cite a lack of general physical contact (hugs, kisses, holding hands, etc.) as a reason for choosing to end their marriage.

Couples see the intimacy in their relationship wane for several reasons, including the births of their children and mental health issues.

75 percent of survey respondents who described their marriage as lacking intimacy said that they’re unhappy about the current situation. 50 percent also said that they wouldn’t have married their partner if they knew that intimacy would decline over time.

However, only 33 percent said they consider leaving their marriage because of a lack of intimacy.

It may not be the biggest reason on its own, but a decrease in intimacy could lead to adultery or other problems that rank higher on the list of reasons for divorce.

Tips for Making It Through the Divorce Process

No matter what a couple’s reasons for divorce are, the process is almost always stressful. But, you can significantly mitigate that stress and have a smooth divorce by taking the following steps:

Consider Mediation

Legal mediation is often preferable to going through a court case. It is less stressful, make negotiations easier, and is faster and less expensive than going to court.

Mediation is especially easier for couples who have children and want to make the process easier for them.

Know When to Let Go

It’s important for both parties to pick their battles when going through a divorce. They should work to establish a fair settlement. But, both partners should avoid getting hung up on “winning” and fighting over small amounts of money.

Hiding money in secret accounts or selling off assets is especially problematic and will just make the divorce harder for everyone involved.

It’s also essential for both parties to manage their expectations around things like division of property and custody.

It’s unlikely that everyone will be totally satisfied with the outcome of these aspects of the divorce. But, knowing when to concede and move forward will help everyone — especially children — get through the process easier.

Find a Qualified Attorney

Choosing a qualified divorce attorney can make the process much easier. Take your time interviewing attorneys and look for one who communicates and well and seems to have your best interests in mind.

Some other things to keep in mind when making your decision include:

• Experience and specialization
• Type of client they typically represent
• Hourly rate and retainer
• Access to resources like parenting coordinators and financial experts
• Trial record and court success history

When you’re meeting with potential divorce attorneys, you should also be on the lookout for red flags. Some common ones include sharing confidential information about other cases or appearing distracted by phone calls and emails.

Looking for a Divorce Lawyer?

If you live in or around the San Rafael, CA, and are considering a divorce, contact us at the Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone today. We offer a free phone consultation, and we’ll help you as you go through the challenges of a divorce.

According to the U.S. Census, around 41% of marriages end in divorce.

But despite the prevalence of divorce cases, each situation is unique and often difficult to navigate.

Doing a DIY divorce may seem like the way to save some money and reduce stress. But there are some very important reasons that you shouldn’t divorce without a lawyer.

Let’s explore 8 of them.

You Don’t Know the Laws

That’s not an insult. What you don’t know regarding divorce law can really hurt you.

Your friend who went through a divorce might give you advice. You might do some extensive research on the Internet.

But this isn’t a substitute for legal advice. Laws change. Something very small could make or break your case.

Divorce without a lawyer is like having surgery without a doctor. It’s just not in your best interest to try to tackle this alone.

You Despise Paperwork

Getting a divorce without a lawyer means you get to do all the paperwork. And it can feel like Mt. Everest sometimes.

You’ll need to read and understand some very complex agreements before signing. Some of it takes meticulous review and response. There will be tasks to complete before you ever see a judge.

Paperwork is just part of the deal. We don’t like it either. But we do it because we want the best outcomes for our clients.

You Don’t Like Disorganization

You may be great at real estate, healthcare, teaching, roofing or whatever your profession is. But trying to do something that you’ve never done before can create a lot of extra work for yourself.

You’ll be trying to learn new things. At the same time, you’re expected to put them into practice.

But you don’t have to go through a divorce without a lawyer. A lawyer will simplify the process, reducing stress on you, your children and everyone involved.

What Seems Equal May Not Always Be Equal

You want a very amicable divorce. We commend you for trying to work things out in an agreeable way. What may seem to be a 50/50 split at first glance, may put you at a great disadvantage financially later.

A few years after a divorce without a lawyer, this may be very clear to you. But at that point, it’s already done.

A lawyer will factor in everything. They’ll run the numbers. And they consider the less obvious but important variables. They then work to reach a fair division based upon the circumstances of the individual case.

Divorce Can Be an Emotional Roller Coaster

A lawyer isn’t a replacement for a therapist. But they can help you through the emotional ups and downs.

Some divorces can inflict a lot of trauma on a person. Anger, shame, resentment, sadness, jealousy; we’ve seen it all.

A lawyer will help you manage this emotional battery by giving you the confidence you need to get through the tough times.

You Want What’s Best for Your Children

Children can be severely traumatized by divorce cases.

Children of divorce are more likely to:

• Get lower grades
• Suffer from health conditions
• Attempt suicide
• Have lower paying jobs
• Have psychological problems

Much of this is the result of messy divorce battles that place children in a tug-o-war.

One parent may try to get full custody while the other feels that he/she has no recourse. Children might be asked to testify.

Barring some severe extenuating circumstances, you have a right be in your children’s lives. If you need to take on most or all of the responsibility for some reason, you have a right to be appropriately compensated by the other parent.

Children should be protected as much as possible during a divorce to reduce this trauma.

A divorce lawyer will help you evaluate the situation and make your case in order to improve the outcome for your children.

You Need to Present Your Case in the Best Light

We’ve all done things that we’re not proud of. We’ve hurt people. Or didn’t do something we know we should have done. We all have things we wish we’d done better.

It doesn’t mean we’re bad people or that we should lose everything because of a mistake.

That’s why regardless of what you may have done or not done, it needs to be put into perspective.

The court system can be ruthless. A lawyer on the other side can take something small and blow it out of proportion.

Because of guilt that you do feel, it may be hard to defend yourself against these coordinated attacks when you go through a divorce without a lawyer.

Your lawyer will be objective about the facts. He/she’ll find a way to show you in the best light. They’ll help you stand up to people who try to tarnish your reputation and make mountains out of molehills.

You Might Not Have to Go to Court at All

A divorce without a lawyer almost always ends up in court. That’s where most of the stress on you and your children happens.

Costs can skyrocket.

But a great lawyer will always try to settle out of court when it’s in your best interest. Chances are you’re not trying to take your spouse to the cleaners. You don’t want to hurt them, yourself or your children.

A lawyer will work with your spouse’s lawyer, discuss concerns and demands and try to reach a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Divorce Without a Lawyer

If you’re considering a divorce without a lawyer, it may be time to reconsider. A divorce requires a person to the law and fill out a lot of paperwork. It can be hard to figure out what’s fair and children often get caught in the middle.

But a divorce lawyer can help guide you through the process, perhaps even keeping you and your children out of court. They will be a trusted resource who’s working for you to achieve the best outcome.

Still not sure? We can help. Call for a free telephone consultation.

At their wedding, couples promise to stay together for better or for worse.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way. In fact, experts indicate that as many as 50% of marriages end in divorce.

In spite of how common it is, divorce is often very difficult. The process is especially challenging because most people involved in divorces have never been through the process before.

So even couples who mutually agree to separate can experience ugly divorce proceedings. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Here’s our best divorce advice to help you get through the process as painlessly as possible.

Get divorce advice from a good lawyer

Sometimes, parties involved in a divorce are reluctant to hire a divorce lawyer. If they have an amicable relationship with their spouse, they may fear that getting an attorney involved can make things contentious.

Just because you hire a lawyer, though, doesn’t mean that you can’t have an amicable divorce.

In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Hiring a lawyer is simply taking an important step towards understanding the divorce process. A lawyer will help you learn the language of divorce, and will ensure that your rights are protected.

Do your research

That said, sometimes people getting divorced make the opposite mistake. They hire a lawyer and expect that their legal counsel will handle everything.

Yes, it is your lawyer’s job to help you through the divorce proceedings, but it is your job to learn about the process.

Educating yourself will help you to better communicate your needs to your lawyer.

Additionally, apart from the custody of children, division of shared property is the most difficult aspect of divorce. Gaining a better understanding of your finances will help you navigate this process.

Have realistic expectations

Often, divorce battles drag on because one or both spouses have unrealistic expectations about how much many they should get, or how much they can pay.

The process will go a lot more smoothly if you go in understanding your rights and responsibilities.

At the end of the day, unless you had a prenuptial agreement, the spouse who makes more money will likely have to pay alimony. The sooner you accept this piece of divorce advice, the easier it will be to negotiate a reasonable number.

That said, if you are the spouse who makes less money, understand that you probably won’t get as much support as you think you deserve.

Unfortunately, one of the hard truths about divorce is that you will likely have to make adjustments to your lifestyle. This is simply what happens when you take one household and break it off into two separate ones.

Pick your battles

Once you accept that your life will change after divorce, it will be easier to set your priorities.

A good piece of divorce advice is to remember that the most important things are the items that money can’t buy. Things like family heirlooms, photo albums, and keepsakes are important to get a hold of.

Additionally, you can’t put a price on your personal health and mental well-being. While it is important to fight for a fair settlement, at a certain point it’s just not worth squabbling over pennies.

On the same note, don’t get greedy. Sometimes, spouses going through a divorce try to hide money in secret accounts or to sell off assets.

In the long run, moves like these will end up making you look bad in court, and can do more harm than good.

Put your kids’ needs first

When two adults go through a divorce proceeding, it can be easy to forget about the people caught in the middle: the children.

If you have young children, keep in mind that the divorce will likely be just as challenging for them as it is for you. In some cases, it can be even more difficult for them.

That said, don’t fall into the trap of believing that divorcing makes you a bad parent. Many couples try to keep the marriage together for the kids. This is probably why couples with children are less likely to divorce than couples without kids.

But staying in a bad marriage can be even more damaging to children than a divorce.

The key is to keep your children’s needs a priority throughout the divorce proceedings.

One way to do this is to avoid using your children as gambling chips with your spouse. Remember, your children are not assets to be won. They are people whose lives are being affected.

Unless you are leaving an abusive situation, it is likely in your children’s best interest that they have contact with both of their parents. Working to achieve a custody agreement that meets these needs is crucial to your children’s health.

Try to settle out of court

When divorce proceedings go to court, they tend to get more complicated. A judge with little knowledge of the situation ends up making decisions about who gets what property, and where the children will live.

Settling matters through a legal mediation is often a better approach.

Hiring a dedicated mediator can help ease negotiations between both parties.This process can often conclude much more quickly than a lengthy court battle. Not to mention, settling out of court is much less expensive.

Take healthy steps for self-care

When discussing divorce, it is easy to get wrapped up talking about shared assets, custody, and living arrangements. These are all only business aspects of a divorce.

It’s important to remember, however, that divorce has many emotional components. No matter how sour your marriage has gone, in most cases, you started out wanting to be married to the other person. This can make divorce very painful.

Additionally, this emotional trauma can have negative health effects.

So, as you go through the process, be sure to take steps to care for yourself. Seeing a therapist can be a great way to talk through your feelings, and come to terms with the end of your marriage.

If your need divorce advice, contact us. We’ll put you in touch with a lawyer who can help you with your unique situation.

Divorce is an unfortunate fact of life. Circumstances change, and people grow apart. But your divorce does not need to be acrimonious.

An amicable divorce is easier on all parties. And why shouldn’t it be easy? A divorce is a major life event but the process can be smooth.

Once you and your partner have made the difficult decision to separate you can still remain on civil terms. The ending of a marriage is the end of a contract. Contracts can be finalized in a way which benefits both parties.

So what are the tips for an amicable divorce?

Don’t Rush the Process of Friendship

Of course, it would be wonderful if every divorce ended with a hug and handshake and the couple remained firm friends for life. This can happen, but it is not a good idea to try and be friends too soon.

A divorce is a painful and disruptive event. You both need time and space to think through your feelings and adjust to the changes in your lives.

Remain professional and courteous, but don’t try and hasten a friendship. Let everything evolve in its own time.

Write it Down

Trust is important during a divorce agreement, but this is a challenging time for everyone. There is a lot to be talked about. Words are spoken, and sometimes words are forgotten or recanted.

If you reach an agreement on assets or other components of the divorce make sure you take a note. This way, if anything changes, you have a record of the agreement.

Issues of money and parenting are emotional topics. Keep a record and be precise with the details.

Create a Parenting Plan

When there are children involved in a separation emotions can become heated. Try and work as a team with your ex. Keep everyone’s best interests at the forefront.

A parenting plan should clearly outline the expectations and guidelines of your continued co-parenting after the divorce is complete. The plan should cover where the children will live, weekend arrangements, holiday arrangements, and other key issues.

Remember to keep sight of the fact that your children are involved in a divorce regardless of their age. A divorce affects the entire family. Ensure they don’t become a bargaining tool.

Consider Mediation

Sometimes, regardless of the best intent, you and your ex can reach an impasse. Perhaps there is a point or two which you just cannot agree on. This may be the time to enlist the help of a mediator.

Mediation is a popular way to settle family legal disputes. The mediator can offer an unbiased point of view and work with both parties to educate and instruct.

A mediator who is also a lawyer has the experience and legal knowledge to help couples reach an agreement.

Establish Clear Rules and Consequences

A divorce is a stressful time and humans can sometimes act badly under stress. Each of you may be determined to have an amicable divorce but there can be moments when the end result is lost in the heat of the process.

It can be helpful to define a set of rules along with consequences should the rules be broken. This will allow both you and your ex to feel secure if one of you strays from the agreement.

In effect, you are establishing the rules for your new post-divorce relationship.

Leave Old Habits Behind

Once you and your ex-partner have decided to divorce you are removing yourself from the relationship of marriage. A marriage provides a couple with a support person to prop them up through life’s challenges. A divorce releases you from this requirement.

Resist the urge to be there for your ex’s difficulties whether they be emotions, work, or family. You can still show concern, of course, but it is not healthy to continue to be the key support once you have made the decision to divorce.

Make a reasonable gap between the two of you and let go of your requirement to support your ex through their troubles. Concentrate on developing positive new habits for your life without your ex.

Allow Relationship Transformation

You have both decided on an amicable divorce but what happens next? How do you adjust to the relationship post-marriage?

Your new relationship with your ex will be different. It has to be. A marriage partnership needs to evolve after a divorce.

Don’t rush it. Allow your new relationship to transform and grow and release your expectations of what it should be.

Accept Support When Offered

A divorce is tough, regardless of how smooth the process is. You can’t do it alone. If friends or family offer their help, take it.

Sometimes all you need is a friendly ear and a willingness to listen. A divorce can be an isolating time. A frank conversation with someone who cares can be all you need to reclaim the feeling that you are not alone.

Don’t try and do this by yourself. Others may have experiences that they can share which will help with some of your questions. Ease your pathway and accept support.

Don’t Lay Blame If You Want An Amicable Divorce

It can be tempting to blame your ex for the marriage breakdown. It may be their fault but laying blame does not help anyone. Accept the marriage dissolution and go forward peacefully.

It is all too easy for a divorce to become messy and confrontational. Removing blame from any interactions with your ex will make your discussions flow more smoothly and increase the chances of reaching an agreement.

A pointed YOU said (did, had, etc) immediately puts the other party on the defensive. Bypass the blame game.

Select a Divorce Option

There are many ways to complete the divorce process. You can choose to go to battle or you can choose a more peaceful approach. An amicable divorce is more likely if you take the peaceful route.

Talk with the professionals. Find out what your options are. You can choose litigation, collaboration, or mediation.

A good divorce attorney will lead you through the dispute and resolution process and out the other side with your sanity intact.