Coping with a divorce is almost as difficult as coping with life after death. Both involve grieving in order to process a loss. Losing someone that you were close to causes emotional pain and suffering, and we’ve all been through it in one form or another. 

Many people who get divorced are grateful that they are now unattached. Even so, there is still stress that must be dealt with. Stress cannot be ignored because it will rear its ugly head in one form or another. If you don’t feel the stress building up emotionally, you will either feel it physically or mentally. If you ignore this pain and stress and allow it to be repressed deeper in your mind, it isn’t going to get better, only worse.

So, here are some tips to help you cope with a divorce: 

1. Focus on Your Emotions – How do you feel? What’s going through your mind? Process these emotions so that you can be at peace.
2. Get Counseling – Both individual and group counseling will be a much welcomed form of therapy. If you have no one to talk to, you won’t be able to fully process your emotions, and your stress will then increase. Check out this article: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/life-after-divorce-3-survival-strategies
3. Surrender – No one on earth has control over anything. Sure, we can go with the flow or we can attempt to make changes. However, remember to stay focused on the things you can control, and let go of everything else. (Hint: Read the Serenity Prayer).
4. Don’t Lie to Yourself, it only makes things worse for you – Read this article:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/coping-with-divorce-20-li_b_3619899.html.
5. Have Fun – In order to get rid of stress, you have to take time and enjoy your life. Enjoy yourself by getting a massage, going to a club, or doing something fun that you love.
6. Diet and Exercise – When dealing with overwhelming or stressful emotions, it’s important to take care of your body. Many people tend to ignore their physical needs. This can create even more stress and possibly sickness. Exercise releases endorphins into the blood stream. These are feel good chemicals that cut stress off at the pass.
7. Don’t Make Big Decisions Right Now – Your mental capacities are overtaxed right after a divorce, so make sure not to make any decisions like buying a house or a car, or even getting re-married. Re-marriage may have been your primary reason for divorcing, but give it some time. You aren’t telling yourself ‘NO’, you are telling yourself ‘not right now’.
8. Laugh – Laughter is truly the best medicine and it heals the soul. Watch comedies, or better yet, go to a comedy club. Keep a good sense of humor around friends and family, and show the world that you are an over comer!
9. Re-Create Yourself – Get out and have fun. Find new hobbies, re-invent your life. You are not a ‘spouse’ any longer. You are single, so enjoy it while you can.
10. Don’t Be Afraid to Start Over – Starting over again includes all of the above and more. Do something different, take a college course, write in a journal, or volunteer your time to something you love.

Take Action!

Once you do these things, you will find out who you really are apart from your ex. When you get married you base your identity on your life with your significant other. You are starting over again, so take advantage of this new beginning. It’s hard to take action in the midst of overwhelming emotions, but it’s the most therapeutic thing you can do for yourself.

Most people consider divorce as one of the most stressful times a person will ever experience. Psychology Today posits that dissolution of marriage is probably more stressful than even the death of a spouse, especially for people who don’t want to end a marriage or are financially dependent on a spouse. That stress can multiply and cause it’s own set of problems if the proceedings become exceptionally difficult, and many couples to find themselves navigating difficult journeys when they decide to end their marriage.

It’s important to remember during these difficult times that all things eventually come to an end and you can find ways to make a difficult divorce less stressful, traumatic and emotional.

Kids First
First, let’s talk about the kids. When a marriage involving children comes to an end, parents must take extra care to ease stress and anxiety their children may feel. Kids need to grieve the end of the marriage as well and may even wish you would choose to get back together.

Keeping a focus on the children can help you navigate your own difficulties because it takes the focus off of the arguments between you and your former spouse, putting it instead on the children. Take the time to listen to them, answer their questions and tell them the truth. This focus on the kids can help you put arguments into perspective and get through disagreements faster.

Count to Ten
Most of us know it’s better to think first, then speak. Thomas Jefferson famously said, “When angry, count to 10 before you speak. If very angry, a hundred.” It’s a maxim that holds more power than we realize because when we’re angry, we want to react out of anger. That’s not overly productive and can lead to more problems.

In a difficult divorce, you will get angry but how you respond to the anger, anger management essentially, can make the process easier or more difficult. Anger management experts also advise taking deep breaths between each number as you count to facilitate relaxation and being in the moment.

You can also mitigate anger by:

• Taking a step back and responding later; there is hardly ever a need for immediate responses;
• Practicing anger management in times of calm;
• Avoiding situations that can trigger anger or make it worse;
• And describing what made you angry in specific, rather than general, terms.

You may not be able to make the difficulty disappear, but you can control your response to it.

Seek Help
A difficult divorce may feel like it eats up all your time, and it will require more effort than an easy separation. Seeking help from a therapist with expertise in divorce can help you work through the difficult times, even though it feels like you can’t fit one more thing into your schedule or don’t want to spend one minute more thinking about it.

Mark Banschick, a psychiatrist and author of The Intelligent Divorce series, advocates therapy for spouses and children during what he terms “malignant divorces.” Therapists can help you clarify your goals, help children through this difficult time, and act as a sounding board.

Ending a marriage will cause stress in your life. There’s no getting around it. Difficult separations can make getting to the end feel especially stressful. You can navigate a difficult divorce, though, by keeping your focus on what’s important, managing your emotions and talking with a professional therapist.

Your Local Family Law Attorney Can Help

No matter which stage you’re at, if you know there needs to be a change in your marital situation, Family Law Attorney Gerard A. Falzone welcomes your call for help. From mediation to filing for divorce, he’s here to help with a no obligation free phone consultation.