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California family law courts are clear that they prioritize children’s well-being, with each parent’s rights a close second. Therefore, if your ex decides to move away, swift action on your part is essential to keep the unfolding path as stress- and trauma-free as possible for your children, you, and their other parent.

If you’ve heard that your ex-partner or spouse is planning to move away to a location that would alter a child’s school district or that would make it difficult (or impossible) to honor current custody/visitation agreements, we highly recommend seeking counsel from a family law mediator who can review your case and help you navigate the way forward.

Co-Parenting Begins With Clear, Legal Custody & Visitation Agreements Addressing Relocation

First, it’s critical to understand that CA Family Law Courts are very clear about the steps forward when one parent chooses to move away – especially if there is a 50/50 or 60/40 custody/visitation agreement in place. Among other things, the parent considering a move should provide notice to the other custodial parent (or the parent with visitation rights) at least 45 days before the proposed move.

According to their Child Custody Self-Help Guide, the only way a custodial parent can change where a child lives without permission from the other parent or input from the courts is:

It won’t interfere with the current orders for custody and visitation (parenting time).
They’ve let the other parent know about the change (given notice).

If a parent wants to move away (relocate) with a child to a place that is far away and will interfere with the current custody and visitation order, that parent may need to ask for a court order before the child can move with that parent.

In family law, this is called a move-away case or a relocation case.

There are very few situations in which the courts will grant permission for a parent with primary physical custody to move out of the county or state, or to remove children from their current school district. These include:

They have sole custody of the child (unless the non-custodial parent can prove the move would be harmful to the child).
They can prove that moving is in the best interest of the child (difficult to prove, especially if the other parent has had an active role in the child’s life and if the child is relatively stable in their current daily life).

So, please trust that the law is on your side when it comes to keeping you and your child together and able to maintain a relationship in alignment with your child custody and visitation agreement.

What if we don’t have a legal custody/visitation agreement when my ex moves away?

We always recommend having a legal child custody and visitation agreement in place if you share custody with someone else. Even in the best adult relationships, time marches on, and a sound, forward-thinking custod/visitation agreement becomes the foundation from which co-parenting evolves becuase it outlines common life scenarios and how they should be handled.

And, of course, the agreement serves as the formative benchmark in the unfortunate case that you have to take legal action.

As noted above, the courts prioritize children’s well-being, which takes precedence. In the case that there is no child custody or visitation agreement in place, the law states that “the judge will make a decision based on what’s in the best interests of your child without any assumptions based on physical custody.”

Either way, enlisting the support and advice of a family lawyer is critical because time is of the essence to minimize fallout from a potentially contentious situation, which takes a serious toll on the children.

Step 1: Enlist Help From a Family Law Mediator

The first step is to enlist support from a family law mediator to minimize conflict and tension. Mediators help the two parents navigate future decisions in the least stressful, least emotionally taxing way possible, and it is far more affordable than a time- and energy-consuming legal battle.

The family law mediator will review your existing custody/child visitation agreement, listen to both of your stories, and provide legal counsel in a way that aligns with what current family law courts would most likely recommend or decide.

Depending on the situation, we may recommend filing an emergency child custody order to help keep your child in the same school district and community, as future decisions are made by the parents, legal representatives, and the courts (if necessary).

Step 2: Make true, healthy co-parenting the goal

It’s hard to keep ego out of the equation when a spouse wants to move away, but all current and future conversations will run more smoothly when genuine, cooperative parenting (co-parenting) is the goal. If conversations become heated or cross respectful boundaries, take a break and schedule time to start over. Regardless of the outcome, you’ll be navigating co-parenting decisions for many years to come, so taking the high road in all communication will pay off in invaluable ways as the years go by.

Your family law mediator is your best ally in navigating emotionally difficult conversations, helping to keep things on track and within the scope of CA family law’s best practices.

If, for some reason, permission to move is granted by the courts, your family law representative will help to establish things like:

What the new custody/visitation terms would look like.
How inevitable changes to those plans will take place (written requests, children’s input, etc. etc.)
Who is responsible for significant changes in travel fees (often, the parent requesting the move becomes responsible for paying all or a significant portion of plane fares/travel expenses, etc.).
Other common scenarios that can be built into the new agreement.

Step 3: Objectively assess your children’s well-being in both scenarios

Is there any chance at all that this move would be better for your child, even if it means a different way of life for you? If it comes down to a judge’s decision, they’re going to establish things like:

Have you and your ex had a relatively cooperative post-divorce parenting relationship? If one or the other of you is an obvious “disruptor” or “aggravator,” that may impact how this situation is viewed.
How far is the move, and what level of disruption will relocating entail when it comes to your child’s travel to/from both homes?
Does your child have the ability to be in contact with you freely, without always relying on the other parent’s phone or presence?
Will the move significantly impact the child’s ability to maintain a relationship with you?
Is the child’s life stable now?
How do they feel about their current school, and how are they doing academically?
Do they have a stable community of family, friends, neighbors where they are now vs where they would be moving to?
Are they involved in sports and extracurricular activities, and will that be significantly disrupted by the move?
Will the move benefit the child in significant ways?
And so on.

As you think about these things, you’ll have a sense of how a judge will view them as well. If there’s any chance the move would benefit your child, it’s worth considering whether you’re willing to relocate as well? That may feel extreme but if the court does weigh in favor of the move, your relocation speaks volumes to your child about what you’re willing to do to support them into their adult years. Or, is there a custody/visitation agreement you can live with that also upholds what’s best for your child?

We would never encourage long-distance relocation unless it’s the only option, but we also know of cases where that has been the ultimate decision by the parent who would have missed out on being with their children.

Step 4: Respectfully bring older children into the conversation

Again, the CA Custody Self-Help Guide reminds us that judges take children’s well-being seriously, and children’s ages factor into their final decision. They state:

A move at a younger age can impact a child differently than an older child. Sometimes, for an older and mature child, the judge may ask a counselor to talk with a child to find out what they want.

There is a good chance the courts will consider older children’s input and requests, which can affect their decision. However, this can be very challenging for a child. If their input is being considered, we recommend engaging a family therapist specializing in children/teens to ensure they’re supported emotionally throughout the process.

Co-Parenting & Mediation: Immediate Support When an Ex is Relocating With Your Children

Have you received notification that your ex plans to move away with your child(ren) such that it significantly impacts your ability to uphold your custody and visitation agreement? Your children deserve healthy, connected, and close relationships with both parents whenever possible. The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone are dedicated to helping families just like yours.

Schedule a child custody mediation consultation to learn more about what you can do to navigate co-parenting when relocation is on the horizon. Our goal is to find the least traumatic and emotionally draining path to honor what’s best for everyone, always in accordance with current California family law parameters. Contact us to learn more about how we can support you by calling 510-521-9500.